16 weeks

I've hesitated posting something about my pregnancy because I've had such weird emotions about it but this is my life so I'll say something about it. 

Let me start by saying this- 5th pregnancies are NO JOKE. I have zero energy- like ever.  I'm really moody because of that.  I started getting sick at around 5 weeks and I usually have until about 6 or7 before I really start to feel it. This made christmas break horrible for me.  Lucky for me Christmas day I was ok for the morning but still felt crapy all day. When I start my medicine to keep me from puking it makes me really, really tired for at least a week.  It's hard.  I didn't know how I was going to function but I found a way and started to do a little better once January got going.  My nausea hasn't been as horrible as some of my other kids.  More like with Brett's pregnancy so that has been heaven sent.  I still feel sick a lot but I'm able to eat.  I think two things help this as well and that's starting my medicine as soon as I feel yucky and trying to eat a lot and keep on top of that.   Because of this I've gained a lot of weight.  I have a 9 week photo of my belly somewhere that you can really see my belly.  It's like my body said -your going to do this to me again I'll let it ALL hang out! I'm huge for how far along I am.  I'm 16 weeks in the photo above.  and the way I'm standing makes me look smaller in the picture then I am in person. 

I kind of had it in my mind that I was ok with just having 4 kids.  I was getting used to the idea of us being done with the baby stage.  I was surprised how had the news I was expecting was for me.  I knew it was sort of in the plan but I was starting to write it off I guess and I was super depressed about the idea of being pregnant.  Not really the idea of the baby just the idea of being sick for the next 9 months.  It's super depressing.  It's hard to wake up and know I'm going to feel like garbage today.  Especially when you are only 6 weeks pregnant and sick and have SO many more to go. I still have days I cry because I'm so tired of being sick.  

My heart likes to freak out on me.  It's worse then morning sickness.  Like today I'm having the worse heart day in awhile.  It's hard to explain what it does but like me try. It beats really hard but not only that it beats weird to pump all the extra blood my pregnant body has.  It feels like my body can't handle being pregnant really.  If you just finish running and your heart is pounding what do you do? You take a few deep breaths and relax for a minute for it to calm down.  Mine I will get up to do some laundry and I'm Huffin and Puffin to do that.  Not all the time mind you but at least a few times a day I get it bad.  It makes it so I can't do anything.  That on top of already being really tired, sick, and hurting (my body hates me really) my house has gone to pot.  I just lay down and feel like such a failure. My kids need me and I can't help them very well.  My husband wants me to be function and I'm not.  My house is gross and I hate it.  My little boys have taken advantage of the fact that i'm doing and started to ruin my house.  Just today Brett stuffed a lot of toilet paper in my sick and turned it on.  Now that sink is clogged.  They have been drawing on everything, staining my carpet.  You name it.  I had no idea how much I did until I couldn't do it anymore.  It's depressing.  I have to make myself get little things done so I don't go crazy.  But yesterday I did way too much and today I'm paying for it. 

Someone told me just to write my pregnancy months off and do the best I can.  How can you do that with kids? I can't just lay down all day.  I can't not be their mom anymore.  I feel apart one day when Bryan got home from a run that I was so done.  I feel like all I do is yell at my boys, especially my older ones.  I need their help so bad and yet they need to be kids.  I need them to get their homework done and do their after dinner chore and they fight me more then ever about it.  

Part of my problem is I'm depressed about it (not horribly just down in the dumps sort of thing) and I feel like not trying anymore but I can't. And doing that makes me feel worse.  Lucky of me it's warming up and we can go outside and sit in the sunshine.  Also lucky for me my boys are a little older and that has helped.  

I feel dumb being so wussy about this because I know so many people going through a lot worse things then me.  My friend Janet just buried her husband in January, my cousins son has cancer, my Aunt's cancer has been really bad, my grandpa had to go to a rest home.  People have it a lot harder them me.  At least I get the best thing ever out of this.  Another baby (most likely a boy).  So here is to 4 months down and 5 to go of this.  I hope I survive.  

February

I'm still learning about my new computer- and for some reason I'm missing some of photos. But no worries- there are plenty left believe you me. 

I hate to admit it but I don't bake much. It takes a long time, they kids only really eat the frosting and it's a big mess. Stock really wanted cup cakes one day and so we made some.  I should really do this more often because they loved it.  I hope I feel better soon so we can do it all the time. 

 Brett loves books and I need to take time to read to him more often.

 This is his "mom take a picture of my feet" he seems to ask this a lot.  Which is funny because I love pictures of sweet toddler toes.

 These are Brett's Froggy boots. He loves them.  I mean LOVES them. He wore them to church last week when Bryan was getting him ready.  I love them too.

 What I have loved has been the weather in February.  We had lie 20+ days of above normal temps and I was not complaining.  I loved being outside without even a jacket.  We tried to soak up as much sun as possible.  I always realize how depressed winter makes me when the sun finally comes out because I'm so much happier.

 Stockton is going to the USU child lab preschool this semester.  I was really worried about it because it's a lot of driving but he loves it. This day was face painting.  I was surprised to find that they painted their OWN face.  Can you tell?  More on this crazy boy later.

 After all the warm it cooled down and snowed.

 Poor stock's bum is always hanging out of his pants.  Time to buy a belt!

 I love this photo.  I love the sun hitting him, I love the water dripping from his nose, and I love that he loves the tub.

 It's not often that Brett falls asleep on the floor.  He got home from church (we have 1-4) laid down on the floor and sacked out.  Bryan took advantage and put him on his chest.

The local paper does a monthly photo challenge and this month the theme was "I Love." I thought it was Love is for some reason which honestly I liked better then I love.  That one is too broad.  When I saw brett asleep on Bryan I opened the blind up and let some yummy light come in and told Bryan to kiss him. He complained for a minute then hurried and kissed him.  Here is something I've learned from lifestyle photographers.  Most of their stuff is "guided" lifestyle.  It's not often you can catch Bryan just kissing him.  A newborn yes but a almost there year old not always.  But really it's a true moment because it shows the love Bryan has for the little guy.  Brett is truly is best little buddy and they both have a sweet love for each other.

So the paper did print this picture and I was totally content.  I'll admit it feels really good to have someone come up to me at church and say "Hey I saw you picture in the paper! It was beautiful!" I put it on my photography Facebook page and as of today almost 1500 people have seen my post about this photo.  My goal for my photography this year is learn to capture true emotion and not just "cheese" faces.  I would so much rather see a photo like the one above then a stale I have to smile for the camera pose.  Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for those but really I love the true photos best, even if they were a little guided.  =)

jr jazz

I was on the fence about signing Blake up for jr jazz but i'm so, so glad that I did.  My cousin Jake was his coach and Blake knew half the team from school so he loved it from the beginning.  The best part of Jr Jazz has been Bryan.  He has been to every game but one and the one he missed I made him stay home with the other boys so I could go.  Basketball is Bryan's favorite sport and he is really good at it.  He has loved teaching Blake things he knows about it and cheers him on at every game.  They even go down to the church on the weekend and practice.  I took a lot more pictures then these but they are missing off my computer for some reason so this is all I have. 

Blake has scored at every game.  He loves it.  I hope this is the beginning of something he will love to do for a lot of years to come.

The happiest place on earth

I know what your thinking? Dang those Palmers go to Disneyland A LOT! Yes, you are right.  This is our 4th year in a row going.  Before that since we have been married we went three times making it a grand total of 7 times to disneyland.  No matter how many times we go I still love it.  I love the magic of it.  It’s so much better with my kids. They love it more and more every year.  We try to think of something else we could rather do with the money and we always come back to this trip.  Just the day before we left we were sitting at our friend Allan’s funeral and I just kept thinking about how he did so much with his kids.  Trips with your kids are so important! So many memories are associated with trips and vacations no matter how big or small.  

I almost cancelled this trip around Christmas.  Because of a confession I have- I’m expecting another baby next summer.  And I was sick! So I was worried I ruined our trip this year.  I was able to get a hold of it enough to plan the trip but I had to push it back a couple of weeks. It’s hard to go to disneyland pregnant.  I’m not going to lie.  It took a lot of planning so I wouldn’t throw up while I was there.   

 First day excitement- just waited for the adventure land gates to open.  They know what to expect and therefore are super pumped about it.

 Stock had to have this hat on.

 Thunder Mountain railroad has been closed FOREVER it seems like.  Well at least the two years before we have been and I was too pregnant the time before to go on it so after talking to my dr. and he thinking it's ok to ride some rides I went on with the boys.  They have redone it and it was super fun and smooth until what was before.

 Restaurant in the pirates ride. 

 Bryan and the boys on thunder mountain- again.  My older boys went on this about 5 times.

 tea cups

We have been super healthy this year.  Like all fall and winter really healthy.  Until the day before we left on our trip Brett had coupe. I took him into the dr and got some medicine and he was great the next day.  Then on Monday we were in disneyland he wasn't well.  I could tell he felt like crap.  So Bryan took him back to our hotel and I took the other boys around Disney.  I bought them little autograph books and they really liked that.  Since Bryan hates mickeys toon town I took them there.

Donald was the BEST of all the characters.  He was so cute with my kids! I told him that he was Stocktons FAVORITE an he did this:

 Then he balanced a pen on Ty's head (above)

 When we got to goofy they had the disney photographer there with a worker.  The worker offered to take my camera so I could be in the picture.  He then scooted back and said "why would you have a 50mm on in disneyland? (my lens for my camera- in all honesty its the best one for my new camera that I have and I didn't want to pay 100 to rent the one I really wanted to use) he wasn't really mean about it but I felt so dumb I didn't dare ask people to help take photos for us.  I mean yeah he was right.  A 35mm would have been way better or better yet a 24-70mm like I wanted to have but I lived.

 We waited in the long line to meet Mickey.  Something we have never done before.

 Meeting Pluto- he was silly and covered Stock's face. 

I made Stock ride thunder mountain with us. He is scared of fast rides but I just held onto him so he didn't slam into the side of the car.  You do move really fast.

 Tea cups some more- Brett's favorite ride once he came back to the park.  We went on like 5 times.

 This is main street USA.  Notice anything missing at the end of the street? Yep- the castle is all covered up.  The first day it was half covered and the second it was all the way with a brown tarp.  So weird to not see that or be able to walk through.  It was especially weird at night.  That wasn't the only thing closed.  Everything past the haunted mansion (below) was blocked off.  So splash mountain, pooh corner and the winnie the pooh ride all closed.  It's a small world- closed- peter pan- closed- matterhorn- closed.  Which made the park feel really busy.  We have been this time of year before and Tuesdays are usually really slow but not this year.  It's the 60 anniversary celebration later this summer and It's my guess that they were getting ready for that.  They had a huge section of cali adventure closed too.  This year their was a measles outbreak that started from a idiot going with them disneyland in December and it gave them to some unvaccinated people who brought the home and shared it with their friends.  We were hoping it would make people stay home.  Guess not.

 This Dale was kind of dumb.  He never noticed Brett hugging him.  Hello! Oh well.

 Bryan and Blake walking into the tower of terror.  Ty went on it before and Blake was too scared. He manned up on Day two.

 So yeah, the guy was right.  My 50 mm made this a hard shot to get.  I couldn't scoot back far enough to get the whole picture.

I took the little boys on the toy story ride.  The ride is always so long for it that we haven't been on this one since 2012 when I was pregnant with Brett.  They really loved it.  

A huge highlight of the trip was my boys decided to ride the California screamin' roller coaster.  It goes upside down and everything.  Last year Ty was too scared and Blake was too short.  They have talked all year about going on this so Bryan took them.  Not only did they go once but twice in a row. I'm glad I didn't have to do that.  I would have been sick for sure even without the baby.  They ended up going three times before our trip was done.  It's good to see them be brave and proud of themselves for overcoming their fears.  Bryan took a video on his phone of Ty on the whole ride.  How Bryan didn't drop his phone I don't know but the video is awesome.

Bryan and I have a deal.  I told him you have to get a picture at the front gate of disneyland every year it's tradition! I just do that later in the day and not when the park first opens.  Then he isn't missing out on a small ride line somewhere.  We have these things worked out.  =)

We went up in the innovations things for the first time ever while Bryan took the other boys on space mountain.  They had marvel super hero stuff up there and Brett and Stock liked it.

While waiting for the older boys to get off space mountain we saw pluto and since Brett missed most of the characters the day before we waited in the little line to see him.  Brett was so cute.  He totally went up and hugged all of the ones we saw.

It isn't very often we are in Disneyland at night.  Bryan is super weird about it because he is done for the day by then.  This year we finally had a fast pass for the cars ride and it wasn't until 6:40 so we were trying to kill time until then.  I love Disney at night. It's so pretty all lit up.  I also think that with my older boys so excited to do everything they could before our last night he was willing to stay longer for them.

The boys on the steps of the haunted mansion.  Stockton favorite ride by far.

Bryan decided to take the little boys back to the hotel with about a hour until our fast pass time.  They were totally done and we would have had to swap with Brett anyway.  Stock was offered to stay but he didn't want to.  So my big boys and I had some fun.  I told them that their old pregnant mom was tired and they needed to be nice to me. According to a app on Bryan's phone we had walked about 11 miles that day by then.  I figured in the end the older boys and I went about 13 miles.  They were nice and let me take some pictures of them-

pointing to the roller coaster they went on three times this trip.

Hard to see but that's the tower of terror behind them. 

We went on the radiator springs racers ride (my favorite) with our nice little fast pass, came out to find a little "dance party" going on in the streets on radiator springs which Ty jumped into.  I have the best video of that. He was going nuts.  Then we saw lightening and had to get a picture.  I didn't know by this point Blake was about to pee his pants therefor the hand in this picture: 

A super rare photo of me with the kids

And a couple of ride photos. Bryan has more on his phone. 

Me with my camera and my hair flying.  I took a video of the whole ride. This was the year of the videos for us.  Bryan got some awesome movies on his phone and I got some really funny ones too.  It takes too long to load them or I would put some on here.

Another awesome disney trip in the books! And we are already talking about going next year.