Boys Toys and Lots of Noise

Monday, September 26, 2016

I love you Grandma Pack

Some things always seem to be constant in your life. Something that will always be there. Then all the sudden you realize that rock is gone. My sweet Grandma was that for me. When I was in college she called to tell me that her apartment in her basement just opened up. It was from moving there I met my husband and had many wonderful memories. One summer it was my birthday and my roommates and I were going to have a party. The ones that were going to help me set up were both at work until it started and my other roommate was busy getting herself ready in the shower all afternoon and wouldn't help me. I was trying to set up tables in our backyard and my Grandma came out from the upstairs. She would have been in her early 80ies at the time. She helped me pull chairs out and move tables so I could have my party. She always did things so I knew she loved me.

When she was first married and had one child my Grandpa was shipped off to WW2. Here she was a young mother with another baby on the way not knowing if her husband was going to come back alive. She told me they would listen to the radio at night to hear the names of those killed in the war. That's how they found out. She moved in with her parents while Grandpa was in war for some help with her children. Lucky for all of us Grandpa came home. I can't imagine the fear she must have felt every day. She ended up having 9 children, 68 grandchildren, 175 great grandchildren and 2 great great grandchildren. You read that right. Each of those are her direct blood relation. From her posterity comes around 12 doctorate degrees, at least that many masters degrees and 117 (including spouse) bachelors degrees and many more people who are currently in college. I honestly know all of my cousins by name. I can also tell you a little about each one. Family and God were, by far, the most important things in Grandma's life. If it were possible for her to be at every milestone in her children's/grandchildren's/great grandchildren life she would be there. She was a huge support to us. Whenever I would see her she would hug me and look me in the eye and tell me she loved me. And I knew she did. She would tell my kids she loved them and every other family member she would see.

Now that my cousins are older and most are married they have moved all over the country. When they found out Grandma passed away 60 of the 68 grandkids were able to make it. If that isn't a testament of the kind of lady she was I'm not sure what is. She would have LOVED to be around to see that many of my family all in one place! The day of her funeral it rained- all day. It never stopped! That made taking pictures very hard but I did the best I could. My wish is that I can be a strong lady like my grandma was. Someone who loved her family and her God more then anything else. I love you Grandma and I already miss you sweet smile!

This was the last time I saw her alive. It was just days before she passed but she was alert enough to tease my little brett to quit "hitting her boy" when he was play fighting with my dad.

The oldest son of each family carried her casket.

I loved how they had flowers for the girls and grandkids to put on her casket. It was so beautiful! That is my Tyson faded in the background.

All my living aunts and uncles.

All my cousins that could be there for the picture. Plus two spouses who didn't get the memo it was a cousins picture.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Bear Lake 2016

Every summer for the last few years we get to use my parents friends cabin in bear lake. My kids look forward to it all year. My brother and his family came again and as a extra special treat my wonderful Grandma Jenkins came with us too! I had violin lessons on Tuesday so I sent my younger two boys with my parents a day early. It helped me remember how much easier three kids was! Especially when two of them are my older boys! By far the high light of bear lake was my dads new tube. I even rode it- and if you know me you would know that doesn’t happen very often. Like ever. My older boys all rode the tube a ton. Blake wanted to ride the jet ski with me- which I don’t drive very often because I feel bad ditching off all my younger kids on my family to watch alone. I saw this huge wave and we went for it. Blake freaked out a little so I slowed down at the wrong time and this huge tidal wave of water came over top of us! Blake and I were freezing but we laughed and laughed! Our third day my brother left and so we took my boys to go ride go carts. Of course they loved that. We went to the beach for a little bit that afternoon then drove home that evening. We are already looking forward to going next summer.

If Easton was done he was crawling everywhere. In the sand, water, eating the sand, splashing in the water. He was a mad man.

Lots of Pack grandkids!

This is his "why are you taking my picture again Aunt Heather? face"

My 87 year old grandma on the jet ski- and she loved it!

Reading books in their hiding place

We tried to get a photo of Jett and Easton but Jett kept trying to eat Easton

The group

Go carts

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Babies

The other day my baby turned 11 months old. Seriously how did this happen? I've been so busy just trying to get through the day that I feel like I've missed the whole thing. The sad thing is I KNEW this whole year I was missing it because I can't catch my breath it seems but there was no way around it! Let this be a warning to myself when I'm older- if you know someone who has a ton of tiny little kids- HELP THEM OUT. Bring the dinner- be their friend. Offer to car pool if you can. Do little extra things to help them out. Even if they look like they have it together they may not. They may be like I am now. They may cry because all their kids are mad at her for not spending enough time with them because all her time goes to a baby who won't sleep. It's so hard. They may feel lonely even through they are surrounded by little people. They may feel like not cleaning one more bathroom floor covered in pee for the 10th time that day. They may just need a friend.

I saw a picture of my friends new born baby and I cried. I cried because I don't think I can handle another baby. I cried because I feel like I should be able to do that. I want to be able to do that. Bryan wants more kids but I don't think my sanity can take it. I'm not being selfish here I promise. I honestly think having another kid would throw me into a depression. I feel like I've had a little postpartum depression here an there but I don't dare say anything because it makes me feel like I'm a bad mom. I also don't have time to go to a dr. because I don't want to bring my kids with me. During the day I don't get a break from my kids.

I feel bad that I know it would be wonderful to have a girl. I will never know what it's like to have a little girl. I always have had a picture in my head what she would look like. Blonde hair with a little curl and blue blue eyes. I know this name is weird but Bryan has always said he wanted to name our girl Kirtland. Honesty not my fav- but that was going to be her name. I've always wanted to buy cute hair bows and dresses for her. I wanted to do crafts and sew with her. "Well you will have a lot of daughter in laws!" sorry that doesn't make me feel better. Who would rather have a daughter in law then a daughter? How many daughter in laws treat their MIL like they do their own mom? "well I only have one girl, you don't want a girl they are hard." Ok.... "boys are easier then girls" really? How about some kids are easier then others. I've always been able to laugh this all off because in the back of my head their was always a chance of having a girl someday but now that I'm pretty sure that day won't come it's been hard.

On the flip side I think it's funny to have people look at me and say "are all these boys yours?" yes "well you have yourself a basketball team!" Yes I do! My boys are fun! We do fun things and they are good friends because they like the same things! I hope they grow up hunting together and camping together. I hope they will still do this with their kids when they are old and gone. I love my boys. I could never trade any of them for a girl. But when I see people that cry when they find out their third child will be their third boy and tell me they were depressed about it for months then get a girl on number 4 it makes me mad. It makes me mad I have been a good sport about it and laughed it off. I never felt bad my boys were boys for more then a day. They throw a fit and get a girl. I know that isn't how this all works but it dang sure feels that way.

Now my baby is almost not a baby and I've missed it. Not only have I missed it but I'm not planning on having any more. Maybe something will happen and my boys will start stepping up and helping to where I feel like I could do it. I'm not planning on that but maybe. Even so I feel like I'm ready to move on from the 24 hours a day care a baby requires to the 12 hours a day a toddler requires. I hope my brain returns someday because I sure could use it!

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Island park reunion

We went to yellowstone for a Palmer family reunion the end of June. My sister in law that lives in Missouri was in town so it was a good time for a reunion. My MIL rented a huge cabin for all of us to stay in and the kids loved being with their cousins. One day we rented rafts and floated the river. I was even brave and took Easton who lucky slept for awhile. The river is shallow and slow moving so it was perfect for us with kids. My boys even got to try out some kids kayaks their cousins had and my boys ask me every day when we are going to buy them some. They loved it! It took us 3 hours though... next time we need older kids to help us paddle! We also went into yellowstone for a morning and saw old faithful. The kids mostly wanted to play at the cabin with the other kids. Or AKA roll around in the dirt. They were so dirty every night!