Heaven Help Me..

 So I have to tell you- gearing up to my ultrasound I was scared. I could tell I was getting my heart set  on this one being a girl.  I mean come on- I already have 4 boys.  It would be fun to buy some dresses and hair bows for once.  Bryan makes fun of me ALL THE TIME about it but if we had all girls I promise you he would be wishing for a little hunting buddy. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago someone came to tell me I was having a boy and I turned to the guy next to me and was like "A boy! A Boy? I'm going to have 5 boys?! They are going to destroy my house!".  That's when I realized that at that moment I was going to be really upset it was was a boy even though I felt like it was going to be a boy.  So I prayed,  and I prayed a lot.  I prayed that I would be happy if it was a boy because after all this was my baby and once you see the little thing you just can't help but be in love with them.  I prayed I would feel a connection with him and love him and not be sad it wasn't a girl.  That's when I really felt it was truly going to be a boy.  To be honest a big reason I wanted to try for another child was I wanted a girl even though I don't think I could admit that really at the time.  Then as soon as I was pregnant I just told Bryan I thought it was a boy.

So the morning of my ultra sound we loaded my older two boys who are on spring break up and took them to my appointment.  They went through looking at his hands, arms, face, brain, heart etc then he got down to his legs.  I could tell- I mean really my boys always make it obvious.  And the tech said can you tell what this is mom and I was like oh yeah.  I had to get the boys attention who were busy playing their electronics and we said can you tell what the baby is.  They both could tell it was a boy too.  Bryan says he has a hard time not laughing at me in those moments.  Which is super mean if you ask me.  But really I had already felt like it was a boy that it really wasn't a surprise to me. It's amazing to see the little guy in there moving around.  He liked having his little hands around his face so it took a minute to get a good shot of his face.  He has a little round Palmer nose like my boys.  Especially like Stockton and Brett.  I just felt such a connection for the lack of a better word with him.  It's hard to bond with a baby that you haven't seen and hardly felt yet.  Well this kid I fell moving but usually in my pregnancies I love the kids before they come but this time it was really different.  I just felt this love for this little guy almost like I do when I see them born.  I think it was God's way of telling me that it's ok.  This is your son and you were meant to be a mom of all boys.  I mean how many people have 5 kids let alone all boys!?!

My dad works for the boy scouts and has pretty much my whole life.  I went to scout camp for at least 10-11 summers, three of those where I worked there.  I grew up with smelly boys I guess you can say.  I had NO IDEA that it seems that it was preparing me for my life.  I love my boys.  I know I couldn't handle all girls.  They whine too much! I'm not used to it! I'm sure I could get used to it but I'm not.  I am used to messy, smelly, dirty, crazy, wrestling, fighting, rough and tumble boys.  And that's what I will always have.

Look at that little round Palmer nose.  Yet another kid that will look like a Palmer and not me!