My amazing aunt Martha

It occurred to me the other day that all the people we have been praying a lot for this year have died. My boys have said to me this is the year of death. Blah it feels like they are right. We started off the year with the death of our friend Alan Blad. From cancer. I hate cancer. Then we lost my beloved grandpa Lowell Jenkins July. During that same time my amazing aunt Martha went from doing pretty good with her cancer to having a kidney infection to being put on hospice. It's been a long 5 months for her on hospice. They didn't think she would last a day off her ventilator but she did. I was lucky to go see her a couple of times before she passed. The first time I went it was just after my stupid kidney stones and I wasn't feeling the best but my mom was in town and we decided to go see her. Martha's eyes filled with tears as she told me how touched she was I would take time out of my busy life and not feeling well with my kidney stones and come see her. I was embarrassed she felt that way to be honest. I didn't feel deserving of her thoughts and prayers (she told me she was offering for me) while she lay in bed not being able to really move. Let me tell you about this angel on earth.

Martha is my moms oldest sister. My whole life I have loved her. To know her is to love her. There is not one piece of her that was possible to not love because she was the most amazing person. She is the only person I know who really had charity for everyone. She showed love and kindness to everyone she met. She made you feel so important to be around her. Your happiness is always more important then her own. She never never said an unkind word about anyone.  Her kids don't even remember her talking down about anyone.

I spent the summer of 2004 working at my families paint store- Bennetts Paint. Martha is the local expert on paint colors and had the best eye for color.  She really was talented.  What a honor it was to work with her.  Even last June I had her over to my house looking at my carpet to help me pick a color to paint the babies room.  I never got around to painting it though.  Anyway when I worked with her she would have this huge line of people waiting for her to help them with their paint and the rest of us would be standing around.  We would help her where we could.  There were many days she would be eating lunch at 5pm because she was so busy and could never tell someone no. If you needed help she would want to be there to help you.  She was just that sort of person.

5 years ago we found out she had breast cancer.  After going through treatment for the next year or so she was ruled cancer free! She enjoyed some time with her family and her grandchildren, which were the light of her life.  In the spring of 2014 she found out that the cancer had come back but was now in her bones.  She was very, very sick and in a lot of pain for much of that year. That fall they changed up her meds and she felt well enough for me to take her family pictures.  I will always consider it a honor that she asked me to take them.  I felt like at the time they would be their last family photos together and I was right. I'll never forgot after we were done being at her house and she made this big meal for everyone.  She insisted I stay to eat because she had made enough for me and my family but my boys were home with Bryan.  She was so tired and worn out from all her health problems but she was still running around her kitchen trying to get everything ready.  She was out of breath even but would never complain.  I got to show all the edited photos to her soon after and she was so happy with how they turned out.  When she got the big group photo printed she was showing it to me all framed in her living room.  She kept telling me how happy she was about it and how as soon as I decided to start a business she was going to tell all her friends about me.

That December I bought her a simple little meal while she was not doing very well.  I came in to say hi for a minute but insisted they start eating before it got cold.  (they is Martha and her daughter Emily). Martha said the prayer and with tears streaming down her face said how grateful she was of me bringing her this meal.  I felt so underserving of her love.  It was such a simple thing for me to just make some extra food but she just appreciated it so much.  Again, no one made you feel so loved as Martha.

Fast forward to July- the day after my Grandpa Jenkins went on hospice Martha had a bad kidney stone attack.  Because of her chemo her body got an infection from that and couldn't fight it.  Her body crashed and she wasn't about to breath on her own.  She missed Grandpa's funeral because she wasn't even really awake in the hospital. She beat the odds and lived after they took her breathing tubes out. She lived another 5 more months on hospice.  I went to visit her for the first time after I had my own dumb kidney stone and was honesty feeling really crappy.  She had never seen my baby and I wanted her to meet him.  She was always so loving to my kids.  Martha teared up and thanked me for taking the time to see her.  I felt bad I haven't been to see her sooner so I again felt so underserving of her love.

She died the 5th day of December.  I feel like their is a whole in my heart from her passing.  Even though I didn't get to see her all the time I feel like something is missing by knowing she is gone.  I loved her so much.  I will miss her hugs and kind words.  I wish I was more like her.  I wish I could tell her I love her again.  I hope she knows.